dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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