my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
