if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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