Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize