i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
