i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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