once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
