u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize