i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
