i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
