Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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