Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize