I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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