so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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