I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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