There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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