i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
