Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
