i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
home. puking in laundry basket.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
