I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
