Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize