I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
