kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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