Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
