I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
