Just mADE A PArabola og urine
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
