boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
