I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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