if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
