somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
