everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
