I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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