We won't sleep together?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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