a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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