last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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