oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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