I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
