Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
