With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
