Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
