Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
being pregnant is like rehab
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
