So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
