so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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