I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
