Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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