lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize