The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
