I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
