So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
