Don't you send me to vm
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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