I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
