p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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