Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the room spins SO much faster in panama
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
