I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
