Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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