By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
