I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
