Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
