Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
