LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
