'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
