I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
