I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
