We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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