I wanna passion pit in your ass
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
