..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
