I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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