After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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