wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
