i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
