pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
