There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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