guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
