Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
