I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
