I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
